Cerebral Mush: A Series of Crackfic One-Shots
by Invader Dana
Summary: A series of one-shots that are of the highest crack-fic caliber. Expect the unexpected and tread the waters carefully or you may end up like Yugi's sandwich.
1. Love Me!

**[AN: Each chapter will have a different little story completely unrelated to the one before. Or not. Who knows? So far, these are set in the Abridged universe and most are written in a very stream of consciousness way. Welcome to the inside of my mind ladies and gentlemen.]**

**...**

"Yugi! Don't eat that sandwich! It's poisoned!" Pharaoh screamed. He grabbed the sandwich from Yugi and threw it into the lake.

The young boy had tears in his eyes when he next spoke. "The only poison in that sandwich was love!"

"Which is the most deadly poison of all. Besides, Marik made it. He is evil, Yugi, and you must never eat anything from him ever again, do you understand me?"

"But Pharaoh! He's my boyfriend!"

Dolly-zoom in on the Pharaoh. "Whuuuuuuuuuuh?"

"And we're getting married in two days!" Yugi's eyes were shut tight and his hands were in fists.

"But you mustn't!" Pharaoh grabbed him by the collar.

"We're in love! There's nothing that can be done!"

"But Yugi!"

Pharaoh dropped to his knees and held Yugi's arms. His eyes grew moist when he looked into Yugi's.

"Pharaoh? What-?"

"You can't marry him because..._I _love you! Please reconsider, partner, and marry me instead."

Yugi jumped back and pushed Pharaoh away. "It's too late for that! If you wanted me so much, you should've told me sooner!" Tears streamed from his eyes in rapid succession.

"Yugi, please! You have to understand. I'm not the only one you'd be hurting!"

"What do you mean?" Yugi practically screamed.

Bakura stepped into the room. "Listen to him Yugi!" He growled, but looked sad.

"Bakura!"

"Yes! And you must know how much I love Marik, and how I'd be so much better for him. You don't know him like I do!"

Yugi collapsed onto the ground and looked at his hands in dismay. "But...I...I don't know what to do!"

"Wait!"

The trio all turned to see who had just ran into the room. It was Marik.

"Yugi! You can't marry me because I'm in love with another!"

"Marik! But we...who is it? Just tell me!"

Marik inhaled deeply. "Me!"

"It was beautiful," Tristan began. "There were flowers everywhere, lilacs and the like. The decorations were pretty sweet, all Egyptian looking and stuff. Everybody looked great and the vows were inspirational. The reception was stellar too..."


	2. Child

"Marik, why is there a naked child running around the apartment?" Bakura queried as he held two bags of groceries. He normally didn't shop, but he had nothing better to do that day.

"Oh, that's Jason!" Marik chirped. "And he's getting a bath as soon as I can wrangle him."

Bakura glanced into the kitchen where Jason had scurried. "Er..." He set the bags down at his feet. "Should I even ask?"

Unperturbed, Marik clapped his hands together. "He's our son now so be nice."

"Our..._what?_"

"I adopted him. Could you start dinner while I get him all cleaned up?"

"I...what?"

"Keep up Bakura!"

"Why would anyone let you adopt...unless you-"

"Kidnapped him? Yes. 'K, Bakura, I expect you know how to make pasta by now. Jason! It is bath time!"

The child flew past Bakura and ran after Marik.

Bakura did a lot of drinking that night.

...

**[AN: In loving memory of Yugi's sandwich. November 14, 2014 - November 14, 2014]**


	3. Waffle Tuesday

_Pound! Pound! Pound!_

"Where are all the waffles!?"

Bakura was in the middle of lathering his fluffy hair when he heard the sudden screeching on the other side of the door. Even with the shower running at its highest and hottest setting, he could make out Marik's words as clear as if he were right next to him.

"I'm in the shower, Marik!"

There was a pause and then, "That is not the answer to my waffle question! Get out here like the waffle thief you are and face me!"

"I didn't steal your waffles, you idiot! You ate the last ones!"

"I did not!"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "If I come out there, I will purposefully not be wearing a towel just to spite you!"

Another pause from Marik's end. "So come out then!" Bakura had gotten muffled after the words 'come out'.

Bakura laughed sinisterly. "Perhaps I will!"

He left the shower on as he often did (only to be yelled about wasting water hours later) and stepped out, completely drenched and gleaming. He had a dark grin plastered on his face as he walked to the door, keeping his promise not to don a towel. And then...he opened the door wide and laughed manically (because he already laughed sinisterly). "You rang?"

Naked Bakura not effective!

"I want my waffles," Marik insisted. His eyes remained locked on Bakura's face.

Bakura frowned dangerously (safety is for nerds). "I'm naked! How are you not seeing this?"

"And I want my waffles," Marik said, once again in the same matter-of-fact voice.

"You are impossible," Bakura growled. Suddenly, his grin came back. "But I insist you come with me!" Then he pulled Marik into the shower and shoved him up against a wall and began making out with him as steamy water rained down upon them.

Ryo passed by the bathroom, did a double take, and kept walking. Yep, just another Tuesday.


End file.
